164 days

Sometimes - a majority of the time - I want to drive to the coast. Moreso, I just want to leave this town. It feels so confining, so suffocating. I want to learn how to branch out, in all ways. The only ways I know how is to try to follow Jesus as closely as I can - to be like Him, as opposed to the world, and I leave this town (go college). I think it's why I talk about college as much as I do. I just want to get away. This town has been the same for as long as I can remember, and the only improvements it's made is to build a university. Sure, they built many houses too during the housing boom, and now there's houses just sitting there half built (but I'm assuming it's like that everywhere). I'm glad they stopped building houses; why did they build them in the first place? Because that's the last thing this town needs: more suburbia. People settle here so much. I know I know, I'm sure some people want a little cookie cutter house with a husband, two kids, and a dog - one big happy family who goes on little trips together, lives the wholesomest life possible, and is just oh so happy. No! I don't want that! Yes, I want to marry one day and probably have a few kids, but I don't want to be that family who sits in a restaurant laughing, thinking this is as good as life can get, and falling into a routine. Goodness, I hate restaurants, I really do. Unless it's this one place we went to, but it's in the middle of nowhere where so it's not suburbia, so it's okay for that. To the main point, I find restaurants annoying.

You go in, they ask if they can get you something to drink, you look at the menu or not, order your food, eat, ask for boxes, and leave. It just doesn't appeal to me. I'd rather be at home, or eat in the car (go Sonic) with friends. It's like people expect to be the happy family that's on the menu, but no! They're just models! I hate being in a place for more than 20 minutes, besides the movies. It feels odd to just stay there. It's like you're taking up space. And unless a place is outstanding, why would you want to stay? I love movement, I love going everywhere, anywhere but suburbia, including grocery stores and restaurants. I'll have to write an entry explaining what I hate about each aspect of suburbia.

Still, the way people walk here. It's just depressing. Here's where I want to be different: I want to be a happy person here. Probably 8 out of 10 would say they dislike this town, maybe 7 of 10, me included, but I know that joy is possible everywhere. This, however, does not mean you need to live here your entire life unless God calls you here. I hear many adults here say they want out of this town, and they've lived here their entire lives. Sure, they just might not be able to afford it, but they've stayed here their ENTIRE lives hating this place. I pray that doesn't happen to me, that I don't give in and stay in the "comforts" of this town. Those comforts scare me. I don't want to settle! I don't want a picket fence! I want an adventurous life, and unless you're going places outside of this town (anywhere within two hours definitely does not count), I'd like to know how your life is adventurous. That isn't sarcasm, I'd really like to know, because I feel so suffocated here.

But, God has had me live here for 17 years. I don't know why. Sometimes I wonder why God didn't let me live in a better place, like Montana, because surely Montana has more life there than here, but then I feel bad for thinking like this. I live in America! I'm so blessed, and I complain because I'm not in a "better place". Regardless, God has me here. And He's having me here for 164 more days (and I pray He's not going to show a sense of humor).